How about rearranging the line to: in her sandpit playing. Gives more stress and balances the poem at the half way mark. Also, make the final word 'call' rather than 'calling'. If you read it aloud, you may agree but then again, you may not so,ignore all this!
On second thoughts, keep the third line as it is but end with 'call' as it is a much stronger word than 'calling' in this context, gives a greater sense of finality
How about rearranging the line to: in her sandpit playing. Gives more stress and balances the poem at the half way mark. Also, make the final word 'call' rather than 'calling'. If you read it aloud, you may agree but then again, you may not so,ignore all this!
ReplyDeleteOn second thoughts, keep the third line as it is but end with 'call' as it is a much stronger word than 'calling' in this context, gives a greater sense of finality
ReplyDelete